Marathon Blues

Knowing I am not running the upcoming marathon and not knowing when I will run one again has gotten me a little emotional. I'm cool most days then boom a wave of emotion overcomes me.

I don't know what it is. Marathons are hard and 2 out 3 marathons I have ran have been injured (although I didn't know till after the fact). So trust me, it wasn't all fun. I can still remember having to walk the last 4 miles during my last marathon because my feet were on fire!  

But yet, my body yearns the marathon. 

The sense of accomplishment.

Taking on the "impossible" is truly life changing and really indescribable.

I can envision myself lining up for the half, with marathoners trickled around me and it kinda hurts.

But I am where I am suppose to be.

Everything I have done, and not done has led to this moment.

I am going to accept the half, and remember after my injury the half is a big accomplishment.

Because "mourning" and being jealous of the marathoners will only elongate my suffering and take away from something that is still wonderful.

I can attempt to live with it and make the best or I can suffer. I have decided not to suffer anymore. I won't lie, there will be some kicking and screaming but its all about baby steps.

This is the reality.

And it is time to accept it.

Z Foot

I think I may have left this part out of my marathon recap back in March (or maybe I didn't, I dont remember) but I couldn't walk after the race. My legs were fine. But my feet, oh my, the Champ had to drag me to the car. After 26 miles I couldn't even walk a quarter of a mile to meet friends to celebrate. Hence, grubbing at the closest place.

After the race, I took sometime off. Nothing crazy and I babied those feet of mine. All was well. Then in May I took a one month work hiatus (post to come) where I jogged about 3 miles every other day give or take plus my runs with ATC on Saturday.

It.was.awesome.

I felt strong and lose. No tension anywhere. Zen like really.

And then, on the Peachtree course run I felt a little pinch under my ankle. I thought to myself shit. Here we go again. I got that same "pinch" two weeks before the Atlanta marathon where the tendinitis all began. Knowing I signed up for a full in October I knew there was no way in HELL I could or would put myself through what I did last time. 

I made an appointment with a podiatrist. Ugh, I rather see the gyno. Seriously, when you're a runner nothing good can come from a podiatrist's mouth. (OK i'm over exaggerating but you get where I'm going). We did all these tests, x-rays and what have you there. Apparently, my right foot is what one calls a Z-foot. High ass arch that collapses oh and my foot is kinda in a z shape. I was told no running for a month. Yeah, my eyes filled with tears but I held back till he left, bastard.

Do I totally understand what it means? No. But he did take a picture of my beautiful bare feet on the cold office floor and I could see the "deformity." And no its not as bad as it looks when you Google it.  

I have been in PT for a month now, 3 times a week before work. Apparently, everyone is interested in said z-foot. Both the podiatrist and PT seem intrigued. I figured, its not everyday they have a  dumb ass with a "deformed foot" that likes to run 26 miles for fun coming in. Oh, if you were wondering yes I go to PT extremely excited because I know that I am getting stronger and stronger every time I am there. I was told this is common in runners. Ha, masochist.

So its been exactly 37 days since I've ran more then one mile. I got to run for 15 minutes the other day and they were the most glorious 15 minutes ever. Tonight I have the OK to run 30. I can't wait.

Running- me and my foot have missed you.

Love,

M.

Seriously...love.