Why Run?

When you meet a runner its like meeting someone from your town but in a completely different state. You suddenly are bffs and can relate to everything. I am like other runners to an extent but not lately. Running and fitness has taken on a new meaning to me.

I started to run for stress relief. You see I have a mild anxiety disorder. I have had it under control due to medication and fitness for sometime now. After my marathon my husband and I wanted to slowly come off the medication so we could eventually start our own little family.

 

We talked about babies for months before the marathon. It made us so happy talking about having our own baby.

 

We thought the timing would be superb. I was in optimal health, accomplished a major goal and  I was so happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We knew weaning would take a awhile but the goal was to get off. You know, be medicine free and then start a family.  I knew I was ready to get off the medication. I wanted to get off of it. I didn't need it! Well, this didn't happen.

I went to my trusted doctor and we began the weaning process. After about a week I started to notice a difference in my mood. I was angry, I didn't want to workout, I didn't want to do anything but sleep. Then I started making mistakes on simple things. All of a sudden my side effects were effecting my life and those around me. I waited several weeks hoping, praying my body just had to adjust to the "newness." But it didn't.

It was decided I needed to stay on the medication. Our plans to start a family over the next year are no more. I cried a little and felt really disappointed in myself. I've done everything to overcome this "anxiety" yet it plagued me. It won, this time.

So now, a family isn't in the near future. Hard times lie ahead when we make the choice to wean again. It actually brings me to tears writing this. To not have control over your body for whatever reason is so defeating especially when you are truly happy!

Honestly, I decided to not think of children. AT.ALL.

No planning.

No, can you imagine a little Michael?

No nothing, yet.

I have decided that I want to take control of my body.

I'm about to be 30.

I don't have children.

And because of that I have decided I am going to be the healthiest I have ever been. I am going get in optimal shape. Because... I have no reason not to.

I have found solitude in that I can take control of my body in a positive manner.

Why do I run? Not to win races, not to get more medals (although I do like them!), not to PR but because it helps me cope with things I can not change.

 

 

"How do you cope with life?"

"Have you ever found refuge in running?"